Sorting Things Out When It All Goes to Pot

This place, which I used to feel very happy about, has become a place I avoid, as it triggers feelings of not having done well enough at balancing work & play as well as not doing as well as I want to balance indoor/computer work & outdoor maintenance.
As I sat and contemplated and journalled on all of this, I began to see that it was more complex that I was saying to myself. I was able to express lots of grief and frustration over all sorts of things that somehow have gotten attached to my back deck, as the indicator of my lack of coping.
When I was done I decided to create an Act of Beauty from the objects that were piled on a rack awaiting completion of some repotting projects.
As I created the bird, sorting out broken plastic from glass decorative beads, and other odds & ends, my sense of humor and enjoyment returned. I began to enjoy creating an odd heron-like bird from it all. I also could see that by slowing down and paying attention in detail to what was going on, I gained clarity and released the self-recrimination. I began to see a possible path through some long-standing complexities around my relationship to the Earth, including my own body.